I Just Want To Write
Writing has always been an outlet for me.
When I was a child/young teen I was forever writing stories or starting new diaries. Every year it started so well with such good intentions. I’d steadily keep up my entries for about 2 months or so, on and off for 4 or 5 months, but I would start to forget or life or school would get in the way. But then I had a very different upbringing to most, but that’s for another time.
I remember January 1st always started like;
‘It’s January first and this year I promise to stick to my resolutions…’
I never did hahaha.
I guess writing was a way for me to put out exactly what I was feeling and, I think, when you are a teenager you need that -otherwise it comes out in the form of anger or extreme emotional outbursts. My sister stopped living with us when I was about 13 so there was no more shoulders to cry on. That’s hard for a teen girl.
I think that was round about the time I fully realised how much writing meant.
I took to writing a lot in my final years of school having studied English Lit for A level along with Photography I guess unknowingly to me I’d always take this kind of route in life. My love of books and writing has always been there whether I realised it or not.
A few years ago I even started writing my own book. I think I got around 20 pages deep before realising- did I really want the world to know the in’s and out’s of life and what has happened??? I didn’t even know if the people I had wrote about would even allow me to publish it.
So I stopped.
I think If i ever picked that back up Id have to change names and publish in a “nom de plume”. I wouldn’t want the world to know the ‘raw’ me. The one that only the backs of diaries has seen. I guess it would be like my 4 walls telling the story of my life-Like a fly on the wall of my life.
There is so much emotion there too. I couldn’t finish writing it without a counsellor! Although- how do you complete a book about your life when you’re still living it.
There is a point to this blog post I promise!
So I started this blog nearly three years ago and man they have gone quick. Looking back at some of my original posts and photos I cringe, but it shows I have grown and improved I guess so that’s good.
Since having Evelyn my priorities have had to change and I don’t have the time to write as much as I did. When she naps it is either a quick clean up or time for a cup of tea that hasn’t been left to go cold and congealed.
Sometimes if Evelyn is having a chill/ sleepy day we snuggle up and watch films together and I can get writing done then but it is always the ‘Working Mum Guilt’ Moment.
I never really knew what that meant until recently.
I love Evelyn to pieces and she comes first in everything (obviously) it’s just hard when your two passions collide and one has to give (and obviously it is not going to be my child).
Right now Evelyn is sick, its 2:32am (the time when I wrote this) and the only place she will sleep is on me at a slight angle. But these are the moments I absolutely cherish. I would give up a night out with anyone for my baby girl. That includes blogger events too, if she needs me… I am there!
On top of the Mum Guilt there has recently been so much heat in the blogging industry (see my previous blog post) that it has made me question if I wanted to carry on blogging.
I have a sort of blog that gets the reads, it is seen, but people don’t tend to comment that much- and that’s ok. I know people are seeing it and reading it and that’s enough for me.
I don’t care about the lack of interaction or the ‘DA’ score of my page.
I just want to write.
I want to tell the world about my shit week or about an amazing moisturiser I have found or even about this months Glossybox.
I just want to write.
Whether it is the right or wrong choice that’s what im gonna do. I am going to write when I can about whatever the hell I like. I will no longer fall into the term ‘beauty blogger’. Im going to be a ‘whatever the hell I want to write about’ type of blogger.
Over and out!