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The Internal Struggle Of Being A Mum | Raising Evelyn

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Am I good enough? and Am I doing it right?

The two questions every mum asks themselves every.single.day!

There seems to be very limited help for first time mums in the U.K. After your 6 week check, that’s it… you’re on your own… sink or swim.

In my area, yes, there are groups which run at certain places on a certain day where you can go and see the Health Visitor if you have any concerns about your baby, however recently, my local baby unit place have said only come if you really really need help as they are stacked out. Which I totally understand! But as a first time mum sometimes you just want to know if you are doing something right, or if something in particular is normal. Not only that but now I am back to work full time it is much harder to go to any of them if at all.

There are online forums such as Mumsnet and the babycentre one but sometimes they just cause incessant unrealistic worry.

It is like googling your symptoms and googling telling you your slightly off colour nail is going to result in whole leg needing to be amputated.

Just because my child is off her milk today does not mean anything horrific it just means on certain days like today she just bloody wants to be a little madam.

It is so hard.

I know most of it is common sense but sometimes you just need reassurance and some guidance and there’s nothing.

On top of juggling your new human and their needs you have the mum guilt too. Going back to work because… ya’know…that’s life and we all got bills to pay …. and knowing that your child would be far better off with you everyday.

No body prepares you for that feeling.

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Every day I dash back from work and pick her straight up in my arms and give her the biggest kiss and cuddle. We are lucky in the respect that Evelyn has no separation anxiety at all… I on the other hand….LOL!

I kid (slightly), I wouldn’t say it is separation anxiety but I just really miss her. Her face when she sees me though makes it all ok. She is always so very excited to see me. But then that makes me feel like- well ‘how much has she missed me then’ and the guilt starts all over again. It is never ending.

If you are lucky enough to not work for whatever reasons… bloody cherish the time with your children.

If I didn’t work Evelyn WOULD NOT be in nursery. She would still get the social aspect by going to the ‘Stay and Play’ groups and the suchlike but I would be doing everything with her.

That’s why at the weekends it’s wrap up and off out, even if it is just for a walk. Just spending a minimal 48 hours we cram in as much play as we can among the chores we need to get done.

But that is life!

I can kind of understand how easy it would be to develop Post Natal Depression though. There is just so much pressure on mum’s to be doing certain things, especially in a time when social media is pretty much in everyone’s life.

Luckily I have been fine and haven’t suffered at all but I think that is the minority.

It has taken me a while, but when it comes to Evelyn, I have stopped comparing to others and also stopped giving a F what everyone else thinks about the way I am doing things. Comparison has to be the worst. It can make you feel all different emotions all at once. You can drive yourself insane wondering, comparing, judging, worrying… you just gotta do what is right for them and that’s it.

Remember… Mum’s, you’re doing a great job.

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