There are many many things we say and hope we never have to deal as an adult. In reality you are going to be doing probably all those things if you want to be or are already a mum.
Things like wiping your child’s bogey with your own finger quickly before a photo, or peeling their caked poo vest off their back whilst trying not to spread it in their hair more than they already have, or even swirling your mouth with endless mouthwash because your child has been sick in your mouth!
You want to be a mum? You gotta be prepared to do these kinda things.
I have prepped 6 things you that, as a mum, you’ll probably have to learn to deal with;
1- Seriously bad nappies at the most inconvenient of times. I am yet to meet a mum or Dad that has never had to deal with a horrific nappy. You know… the kind that goes through the nappy, vest, sleepsuit and cakes itself all over the cot including said child’s toys, hair, hands… you name it… it’s everywhere. We have only ever had 1 or two so far with Evelyn where I look at her and I literally don’t know where to start.
One particular day after a nap I was due to go for Afternoon Tea at Eastwell Manor with my Step Grandmother and as Evelyn woke from her nap I could hear little giggles. When I got up into her room I had no idea how, why, where, when, what…All I could do was gather the sheet up with her in it and put the whole entire lot in the bath, child included. I had to use the shower head with her still fully clothed to prise her out of each layer before running a fresh clean bath and physically washing her.
Particularly proud of myself that I did that all in under 12 minutes.
Needless to say the clothes and sheet were not even attempted to be salvaged and went straight in the bin. Sometimes you just look at clothes after a bad nappy and think… Nope!
2- Noises at really inappropriate times. You’ll dread the memory of the day you are sat somewhere quietly trying desperately to keep your child entertained when they let out an inappropriate noise or a general noise at a really bad time and you just want the earth to swallow you up.
I think Evelyn picks up on this and does it deliberately I am sure.
A couple of weeks ago we were at the doctors surgery waiting to be seen. The grumpy receptionist had already made remarks that I had bought Evelyn in in her car seat and you could tell this woman was not in the best of moods. Evelyn was getting quite unsettled and impatient so I was walking her up and down in my arms having taken her out of the car seat.
The receptionist soon noticed and ‘happened to’ walk past and made a comment about how she was right.
Evelyn then proceeded to blow the biggest raspberry I have heard from her and I couldn’t have been more embarrassed yet secretly smug.
3- The regurgitated food mush. There will be times when you sit down on your sofa or dining room chair and for whatever reason you hand starts to travel down the crease between two pieces of fabric or the in between of a cushion and you stumble across a piece of old food that has been squished there for a few days/ weeks and you feel like you have entered into the deapths of hell.
4- Recycled bodily fluids. By this I mean the likes of snot and saliva. It is inevitable that it will end up everywhere when they are teething or have a cold. The unsuspecting victim will not have realised that your child has put their hands up their nose, in the mouth and have them caked in a liquid of whatever kind.
Their hands will try to venture into your mouth or across your face and before you know it you are also smeared.
I must admit I have have managed to avoid snot but I have had a good amount of spit smeared across my face on quite a few occasions.
5- They will put ANYTHING in their mouths. I literally mean anything. Beware of this if you have pets. Thankfully our cat has stayed well away but I have lots of stories of other peoples pets and children for sure.
When Boycie does come to say hello, Evelyn goes mad and does anything to get to him, she absolutely loves him. But she also finds his tail a great thing to try and put in her mouth.
It’s not just pets though.
Your clothes, jewellery, table edges, curtains, sofas… they’re all going in. Makes sure you keep Detox wipes in the house as a ‘just in case’.
We use them all the time. As soon as Evelyn’s crawling properly it’ll only get worse.
6- Wiping the yellowy sticky conjunctivitis gunk out of your kid’s eyes. It is guna happen… whether it’s gunk or crust you’ll see it lingering there after the 50th salt water wash out and eye drops and it’s just sitting there, irritating you, irritating baby and you just have to get it gone.
I am one of those mum’s that will always wash there hands straight away with antibacterial soap but sometimes… in fact most times… it is a lot easier jsut to use your finger. This is not just in terms of your childs eye bogies.
From one mum to another… you have been warned and GOOD LUCK!